John Edwards’ Follicles Issue Subliminal Shout Out to Chris Matthews’ Leg

It is a little-known and poorly-understood fact that John Edwards’ hair follicles have evolved to perform essentially the same function for him as the left leg has for Chris Matthews. That is, serve as a ultra-sensitive antenna-receptor for the cosmic good vibrations emanating from the cigarette-smoke-fogged voice box of Barack Obama.

For example, as Obami Wan Kenobi healed all our nation’s racial wounds with his Philadelphia speech a few months ago, Edwards scalp was tingling like. . . well, like his feet used to do whenever an ambulance would go by with it’s siren on.

Thus it’s no surprise that a savvy political observer like Michelle Malkin has been wondering what The Leg makes of speculation that Edwards voted for Obama in the North Carolina primary.

Michelle has pointed to speculation at the New York Times’ political blog that Edwards, while trying to be coy about which democrat he voted for, accidentally spilled the beans to MSNBC’s Mika Brzezinski. Apparently, at one point in the interview, Edwards said, “…I just voted for him on Tuesday. . .”

As it turns out, Chris Matthews’ Leg perceived a subliminal message from Edwards’ hair follicles during the interview. The hair sent a hearty greeting and then confided that the “him” Edwards voted for was not Obama. He had, in fact, voted for himself as a write-in candidate.

“John is a man of principle and had to vote for the very best person available,” the Follicles revealed. “John intends to keep his future political prospects shiny and manageable.”

And that, of course, will probably mean glomming onto and sucking up to the presumptive winner.

Update: Michelle Malkin on “Silky Hearts Obambi.

CM Leg Nonplussed by Obama Victory Speech


Chris Matthews’ Leg experienced a fleeting tingle of anticipation when network coverage cut away in the middle off Hillary’s unconcession-y concession speech last night in order to carry the Dali Obama’s victory address to a large and rowdy crowd in Houston, Texas.  Chris Matthews’ Leg failed to react thereafter, however. 

The Leg later complained that Obama tried to get all policy-y and specific which it described as “a total curve ball” and “a little off-putting.” 

“Where are the meaningless platitudes and sappy bromides?,” The Leg was overheard complaining to the void where Keith Olbermann’s soul used to be. “Where are the college-girl-dorm-room-poster sentiments?”

Chris Matthews’ Leg rated the speech “barely ankle high” on the thrill meter.