John Edwards’ Follicles Issue Subliminal Shout Out to Chris Matthews’ Leg

It is a little-known and poorly-understood fact that John Edwards’ hair follicles have evolved to perform essentially the same function for him as the left leg has for Chris Matthews. That is, serve as a ultra-sensitive antenna-receptor for the cosmic good vibrations emanating from the cigarette-smoke-fogged voice box of Barack Obama.

For example, as Obami Wan Kenobi healed all our nation’s racial wounds with his Philadelphia speech a few months ago, Edwards scalp was tingling like. . . well, like his feet used to do whenever an ambulance would go by with it’s siren on.

Thus it’s no surprise that a savvy political observer like Michelle Malkin has been wondering what The Leg makes of speculation that Edwards voted for Obama in the North Carolina primary.

Michelle has pointed to speculation at the New York Times’ political blog that Edwards, while trying to be coy about which democrat he voted for, accidentally spilled the beans to MSNBC’s Mika Brzezinski. Apparently, at one point in the interview, Edwards said, “…I just voted for him on Tuesday. . .”

As it turns out, Chris Matthews’ Leg perceived a subliminal message from Edwards’ hair follicles during the interview. The hair sent a hearty greeting and then confided that the “him” Edwards voted for was not Obama. He had, in fact, voted for himself as a write-in candidate.

“John is a man of principle and had to vote for the very best person available,” the Follicles revealed. “John intends to keep his future political prospects shiny and manageable.”

And that, of course, will probably mean glomming onto and sucking up to the presumptive winner.

Update: Michelle Malkin on “Silky Hearts Obambi.

Leg, Olby Conflicted as Rev. Jeremiah Wright Sets Black Progress Back 125 Years.

These are times that try Obama Media Cheerleaders’ souls (or in the case of Keith Olbermann, that soul-shaped vacuum adjacent to the lifeless shriveled husk of his sense of shame.)

20 years and 4 months after Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder was fired by CBS and made a national pariah for suggesting that genetic differences between blacks and whites made the former better natural athletes, Jeremiah “The America Damner” Wright confidently asserted that the brains of African-Americans learn differently than the brains of “European-Americans.”

Rev. Wright didn’t favor us with his theories on the brain function of Asian-Americans, Native-Americans, Hispanics or the Australian Aboriginal peoples.

Just when The Leg and his fellow cheerleaders were feeling what they thought was a maximum possible level of awkwardness, Rev. Wright stopped by the National Press Club to share some more pastorly comfort and healing wisdom.

As Olby was heard to say afterwards, “It’s hard out here for an Obama pimp.”

Chris Matthews’ Leg to Obama: “You Make Me Want to Be a Better Limb.”


The Leg has looked into the wise and compassionate eyes of Barack Obama and been transformed. Thanks to the Senator of Light, The Leg has shed it’s cynicism and a not-insignificant amount of unsightly hair.

Michelle Malkin has dubbed him “Glowbama.” Hot Air has the goods on the Radiant One’s spiritual mentor and inspiration.

The Leg “Giddy” After Shoutout from Michelle Malkin

Something Chris Matthews’ Leg described as “a jolt of pure, bio-luminescent bliss” shot up the extremity today upon learning that Michelle Malkin had named this little outpost “Best New Blog Name of the Month.” The Oracle of the Leg is deeply grateful.

That, of course, would explain that massive spike in traffic over the last 24 hours.

Speaking of spikes, that surge of power The Leg felt after hearing that Michelle had noticed it, shot past the thigh, beyond the left cheek and kind of swirled in the general spinal area—leaving The Leg giddy and dazed. At least, until the news of William F. Buckley Jr.’s passing competely “harshed its buzz.”

Like the Head, The Leg thought WFB was very cool and a class act. He’ll be sorely missed.

Post Democrat Debate, CM Leg “Denounces” Russert. Head “Rejects” Second Green Room Muffin.

Chris Matthews’ Leg got one of those wicked calf cramps midway through the Democratic debate in Ohio tonight. You know, the kind where it feels like your calf muscle has flipped over on its back and it hurts like a mother.

The tension came from the blatant way Russert was ganging up on Hillary with gotcha questions and then would fall into some sort of semi-catatonic state whenever he looked into OSwami’s eyes. The Leg’s no Hillary fan but it thought it was embarrassing.

Afterwards in the Green Room, tempers on the NBC/MSNBC panel flared resulting in CM’s Head denouncing Russert and Russert rejecting the denunciation. After a cooling off period CM renounced his previous denunciation, but Russert denounced the renunciation on the grounds that CM is pasty and runs like a girl.

Michelle Malkin, (the focus of a secret crush by The Leg) live blogged the debate and conducted the official “cackle count.”