Re: Obama–Chris Matthews Vows Not to Be “Out-Fawned” by Olbermann. K.O. Retorts “Now THAT’S the Audacity of Hope”

Chris Matthews’ Leg (and the body to which it is attached) threw down the gauntlet yesterday amid galling observations that Keith Olbermann was exhibiting way more over-the-top adoration and gushing school-girl infatuation for candidate Obama than has Matthews.

“I will not be out-fawned by some beady-eyed, over-groomed geek who keeps his Smug knob cranked to ’11’ at all times.” declared Chris Matthews’ Head to a startled auto parts salesman on an adjacent barstool. “If you think I’ve been deferential and cheerleader-y up to this point, you just wait. You’re about to see the verbal equivalent of a hot oil foot rub every night. I’ll leave Gooberman in my dust.”

When told of Matthews’ trash-talking, Olbermann shot back:

“Matthews will never be in my league until he drops that quaint, old-school attachment to trying to appear fair every once in a while. You don’t become an iconic champion of the fevered, frothing, raging, Daily Kos comment swarms without abandoning all pretext of fairness, detachment, and reason.” Olbermann lectured. Smugly.

To illustrate his point, Olbermann pointed to the time Matthews stumped an Obama supporter by asking a reasonable question.

“What was that?, What, he couldn’t prep the guy a little? Give a brother a heads up?” Olbermann wailed. “Come on, pick a side and stay on it! Amateur.

The Leg Breaks Silence After Close Encounter with Obama’s Leg

Though a clearly energized Chris Matthews’ Head hasn’t stopped talking for a moment since the “College Tour” fawn-fest with Obami Wan Kenobi, The Leg has been uncharacteristically silent since its close encounter with the glowing, hope-infusing, change-triggering, cynicism-stripping aura that surrounds the legs of the candidate.

Apparently, the sound vibrations generated by the voice of the Senate’s most liberal member touched a harmonic chord in The Leg and it began to vibrate like a tuning fork. Stunned by all the majesty, The Leg’s speech processing circuits overloaded and remained offline for several days.

“It was incredible, being that close to ‘him,'” The Leg gushed. “I mean, my knee was like, two feet away from one of his knees. And there was this positive energy . . . ”

At that point The Leg, overwhelmed by joy and hope, once again lost it’s capacity to communicate. 

Leg Apologizes for Key Role It Played in “Ellen” Dancing Spectacle


Chris Matthews’ Leg appeared genuinely grieved and, at times, wracked with remorse as it issued an apology to the TV-watching nation for facilitating the act of extreme rug-cutting Chris Matthews engaged in on Ellen Degeneris program the other day.

This, even as Matthews’ Head continued to defend the credibility-draining jiggage.

CM Leg Nonplussed by Obama Victory Speech

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Chris Matthews’ Leg experienced a fleeting tingle of anticipation when network coverage cut away in the middle off Hillary’s unconcession-y concession speech last night in order to carry the Dali Obama’s victory address to a large and rowdy crowd in Houston, Texas.  Chris Matthews’ Leg failed to react thereafter, however. 

The Leg later complained that Obama tried to get all policy-y and specific which it described as “a total curve ball” and “a little off-putting.” 

“Where are the meaningless platitudes and sappy bromides?,” The Leg was overheard complaining to the void where Keith Olbermann’s soul used to be. “Where are the college-girl-dorm-room-poster sentiments?”

Chris Matthews’ Leg rated the speech “barely ankle high” on the thrill meter.