81-Year-Old Veteran Fends Off Mugger. Code Pink Vows Protests.

Former Army Paratrooper Donald Clouston, a combat veteran of World War II and Korea, was confronted by a knife-wielding teenage thug near his home in the San Francisco Bay area. The 81-year-old declined the opportunity to hand over his wallet and opted to kick the mugger’s sorry hindquarters instead.

Hot Air has the report.

Chris Matthews’ Leg wasn’t sure how it was supposed to react to the incident. Part of it thought the whole thing was cool. It was like, “Whooo Hoo! Go super-old Army dude!” But another part remembered that violence was bad, especially when perpetrated by privileged white males. . .”The fascists. . .” The Leg muttered to Olbermann’s soul-void.

Thus conflicted, The Leg decided to wait to see what The Radiant One had to say about it.

“I’m guessing Obama will bring a hopeful message of reconciliation and bridge-building between elderly pedestrians and knife-brandishing teen muggers,” The Leg mused. “He’ll say something really deep like. . .”

“These two groups–elderly pedestrians and knife-wielding muggers–have been divided for too long in this great nation. For too many years they have been allowed to hide behind walls of cynicism and mistrust. Knife-weilding teens must be encouraged to no longer view the elderly only a source of quick cash for drugs. And America’s octogenenarians must be challenged to break free from their hardened stereotypes about young men who wave knives at them and demand cash. It’s time for the healing to begin.”

Meanwhile, leaders for Code Pink in the Bay Area were planning to divert some of their woman-power–currently deployed in Berkley harrassing Marine recruiters–to Santa Rosa to set up outside the old soldier’s home.

“This is why we can’t allow our children to be tempted into military service,” a Code Pink spokes-shrew declared. “It produces these testosterone-crazed Rambo’s like old Mr. Clouston walking around defending themselves. I bet he didn’t even stop to think about the root causes of why that poor young man felt the need to threaten him with a knife.”

At this writing, the gals were headed to Home Depot for fresh cans of fake “blood” to throw on the old man’s porch in the hopes that their courageous truth-speaking to power would help him “listen to reason.”

Chris Matthews’ Leg to Obama: “You Make Me Want to Be a Better Limb.”

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The Leg has looked into the wise and compassionate eyes of Barack Obama and been transformed. Thanks to the Senator of Light, The Leg has shed it’s cynicism and a not-insignificant amount of unsightly hair.

Michelle Malkin has dubbed him “Glowbama.” Hot Air has the goods on the Radiant One’s spiritual mentor and inspiration.

Chris Matthews’ Leg Has “Had It Up to Here” With Olbermann’s O’Reilly Obsession

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It was cute for a while, but Chris Matthews Leg is officially “done” with Lil’ Beady’s monomania about the host of The O’Reilly Factor.

At first The Leg was amused by KeOlb’s all-consuming, reason-draining preoccupation. And it empathized. After all, it’s no fun getting trounced in the ratings night after night after night. Criminy, in a typical evening three or four times more people watch The Factorthan tune in to watch Olbermann give an hot oil video foot rub to the Daily Kos commenter mob. That’s gotta sting.

But The Leg says “e-freaking-nough already.” It’s had it up to here (indicating the hip bone area) with whole thing. “At least give it a rest off the air. And stop carrying around that ridiculous OReilly face on a stick, too. FYI, the kid on the other end of the Taco Bell drive through speaker can’t see that you’re holding the O’Reilly face up when you order—even though you think it’s hilarious.”

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Meanwhile, The Leg got a kick out of seeing (on Hot Air) Olbermann be all conflicted and scoldy about SNL and Jon Stewart poking fun at the swoon MesmerO has the news media in. The Leg feels vindicated that it isn’t the only one feeling the thrill.