As news reports revealed that at least 40 people were shot in Chicago this last weekend, Chris Matthews couldn’t help but see it as a clear validation of his recently unveiled Grand Unified Theory of Conservative Scariness.
Chris and his Excitable Limb didn’t realize that Chicago’s West and South sides had become hot beds of Tea Party activity but, given all the shooting and bloodshed there, they quickly surmised that these areas must have been caught up in the maddening fever for limited government and fiscal responsibility that has swept up so many grandmothers and soccer moms across the nation.
“I’ll bet there are ‘Don’t Tread on Me’ flags flying all over the Englewood and Calumet Heights neighborhoods.” The Leg opined.
The Leg senses that Chris is on to something with his new Grand Unified Theory of Conservative Scariness. Sure only a handful of left-wing zealots still bother to watch MSNBC anymore. But for those guys, Matthews’ new hobby horse is like a hot-oil foot massage with Olbermann’s Countdown program serving as the “happy ending.”
“I vow that Chris Matthews’ Head and I will remain vigilant and bold in our quest to keep America safe for runaway government growth, soaring deficits, and nanny-like control over every aspect of human activity by incompetent, corrupt bureaucrats,” the Leg declared with leg hairs standing on end.