The Leg Cramping Over Olbermann Suspension

Today Chris Matthews’ Leg expressed deep concern that the revelations about Keith Olbermann donating money to several liberal candidates for public office will damage MSNBC’s hard-won reputation for objectivity and fairness in covering the news.

“This is a blow,” The Leg shared over martinis and dim sum at a trendy midtown watering hole last night. “I know the American people by the millions look to MSNBC for cool-headed, even-handed, integrity-enriched handling of the news of the day. That’s why the no-contributions policy was in place. Chris, Keith, Rachel, and especially Sgt. Schultz have all worked very hard to build our sterling reputation for scrupulous detachment. I’m afraid this news that Keith actually has liberal sympathies will come as a huge, huge  shock to most people. I guess all we can do from here is pick up the pieces and start rebuilding.”

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Fear and Loathing and Hypnotism at MSNBC

Interns spent all day Wednesday and most of Thursday in the studios of MSNBC with brooms and dustpans, sweeping up tiny remnants of the news network’s shattered journalistic credibility.

Yes it’s been in tatters for some time, but at some point during MSNBC’s jeering, sophomoric coverage of the election returns the ghost of Edward R. Murrow manifested in the studio and began to weep–softly at first, but ever more violently until, during a commercial break, a mournful shriek was heard and the last sad bits of MSNBC’s legitimacy exploded into thousands of little shards.

Listen carefully in the background of this clip of Chris Matthews interviewing Michelle Bachman and you can hear Murrow’s sobs, as well as the sound of Keith Olbermann giggling like a guy who has dared his friend to make a prank phone call and his friend, is like, totally doing it. He’s totally gonna ask a member of Congress if her refrigerator is running and whether she has Prince Albert in a can:

It has not yet been determined what the network will use in place of its journalistic credibility going forward.

GE has put a suggestion box by the water cooler and so far there are three votes for “fierce ennui,” two votes for “irony” (although someone pointed out that Jon Stewart owns that), and one vote for “off-putting neediness.”

Over to you Bernie: