Insure Us Obami Wan! You’re Our Only Hope!

Chris Matthews’ Leg did it’s doughy best to keep a Twitter feed going during the President’s wise and soul-healing address tonight. But Tweety Tweets are tough to produce when you’re vibrating at about 2,000 cycles per second and singing “Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found you!”

The only legs more excited than Matthews’ sensitive appendage tonight appeared to belong to Nancy Pelosi who repeatedly demonstrated a vertical leap that should enable her to dunk at will over Dikembe Mutombo.

The Leg loved the way Dear Leader showed he was a young man of fresh ideas by reminding us that politicians have been trying to put those uppity doctors in their place since Teddy Roosevelt. He also thought that having a smirking and grinning Nancy Pelosi seemingly perched on the President’s shoulder in a red dress throughout the address was surely a visually compelling way to reassure all the wavering rubes in flyover country and get them on board with the brilliant plan that’s going to make everything better in every way but not cost anyone any more money.

Sitting on the other shoulder was Joe Biden, who seemed to perk up and lean in when the Shining One said he wanted to address some remarks to senior citizens.

The highlight for the Leg is when the President pointed us all to the Social Security program as a shining example of how the government can run an entitlement program without it becoming a ticking time bomb of exploding deficits and impending national insolvency. (Brilliant!)

Now, surely, the American people will chill out and let those clever folks in Congress do what they do best.

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Leg Lauds Obama Plan to Pretend to be “President of the World”

When the Financial Times reported yesterday that Barack Obama will become the first American president to physically chair the 15-member United Nations National Security Council, Chris Matthews’ Leg felt that familiar surge of bioelectric neural excitement.

“It’ll totally be like he’s all, ‘Hey, I’m in charge of the whole world’ for a couple of days, and the world will be all ‘woohoo! we’re on the Hope and Change Express!” The Leg enthused.

Past U.S. presidents have all delegated the job of chairing the Security Council to experienced ambassadors who, (A) have the diplomatic skills and experience to navigate the labyrinthine complexity of the U.N. bureaucracy, and (B) don’t mind wading around in the putrid, corruption-riddled, hypocritical, America-loathing, cluster-farg that is the United Nations.

But not this president. No sir. The Leg recalls that when candidate Obama spoke at the Brandenburg gate in Berlin, he  introduced himself as a “citizen of the world” How could he possibly turn down the opportunity to spend a few days pretending to be the king of it?