There were reports of shattered windows up and down the east coast today as Chris Matthews’ Leg began vibrating at a frequency and amplitude previously unknown to science. Homeland Security officials noted that the peaks in the harmonic surge waves tended to coincide with certain inaugural events being covered by MSNBC.
Meanwhile, theoretical physicists at the FermiLab particle accelerator in Chicago and at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva both reported that around noon EST, ultra-sensitive equipment deep within the earth had begun detecting new and exotic subatomic particles.
“The standard model of particle physics predicts the existence of ‘strange quarks,’ said FermiLab researcher Hans Delbrück. “But these quarks were stranger than we’ve dared to imagine. We’ve had a remarkable day here. One of the guys thinks we may have captured the elusive Higgs Boson. But were still compiling all the data.”
Whether there is linkage between the flurry of exotic particles and the excitability of Matthews’ lower limb has yet to be established. However, crew members on the set with Matthews and Olbermann have reported witnessing strange phenomenon around the anchor desk including strange orbs of colored light, disorientation and nausea in those standing close by, and brief episodes of time travel for those who look directly at the leg at the apex of a tingly phase.
Civil defense personnel and other first responders are standing by in the event of another episode during tonight’s inaugural festivities. Officials are urging citizens to remain calm, but watchful–and to stay away from plate glass windows for the time being.