Getting Fired Wakens Chris Matthews’ Leg. Spasms, Cramps Ensue.

The Oracle–gifted interpreter of the bio-electric pulses racing up and down Chris Matthews’ sciatic nerve–is pleased to announce that getting the hook has jerked The Leg awake.

The Oracle has been around quite a while. He’s been following politics and punditry so long, he can remember when Andrew Sullivan was intellectually honest. Why, he can even remember when David Letterman was funny. He’s been around that long.

Nevertheless he was still shocked to see Chris Matthews Leg thrilled into a catatonic state by the mere anticipation of hearing Barack Obama’s convention acceptance speech. But the news that Chris (the nation’s leading cheerleader for Senator Obama); and Keith Olbermann (the “nation’s televised face of sneering, drooling Bush hatred“); had been invited to vacate the anchor chairs of MSNBC’s election coverage snapped the sensitive appendage back to tingly consciousness.

After “The Great Injustice” as Chris is calling it, The Leg called an emergency meeting with the dry, shriveled husk of Keith Olbermann’s sense of shame in hopes of formulating a unified response strategy.

This proved to be impossible, however, as it quickly became apparent that the shock of MSNBC’s move to salvage it’s few, remaining wispy threads of journalistic credibility had pushed Olby utterly over the edge.

Thus, the Countdown Host’s long, heartbreaking descent into madness is seemingly complete. The last frayed mooring lines tethering the ex-sportscaster to the docks of reason have snapped and he is now adrift in the foaming sea of rage-fueled paranoia that is the comment threads at The Daily Kos, The Democratic Underground and the Huffington Post.

Chris Matthews’ Leg, though still stinging from the demotion, is ready to hum like a tuning fork at every messianic pronouncement from the world’s most famous community organizer. And Chris is ready to use the ever-diminishing influence of the Hardball pulpit to do his part for the holy cause.

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2 Comments

  1. I am reminded of the song from Santa Clause is Coming to Town…
    Put one foot in front of the other
    And soon you’ll be walkin’ ‘cross the flo-o-or
    Put one foot in front of the other
    And soon you’ll be walkin’ out the door.

    Walk towards the light Chris Matthew’s Leg, walk to the Light.

    http://www.ScottOnCapeCod.com

  2. I am ashamed that I cannot give proper attribution for this, but the statement that Olby and Matthews are “hanging by a heavily medicated thread” is particularly apt.

    I only hope the leg can be saved…


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