Leg, Olby Conflicted as Rev. Jeremiah Wright Sets Black Progress Back 125 Years.

These are times that try Obama Media Cheerleaders’ souls (or in the case of Keith Olbermann, that soul-shaped vacuum adjacent to the lifeless shriveled husk of his sense of shame.)

20 years and 4 months after Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder was fired by CBS and made a national pariah for suggesting that genetic differences between blacks and whites made the former better natural athletes, Jeremiah “The America Damner” Wright confidently asserted that the brains of African-Americans learn differently than the brains of “European-Americans.”

Rev. Wright didn’t favor us with his theories on the brain function of Asian-Americans, Native-Americans, Hispanics or the Australian Aboriginal peoples.

Just when The Leg and his fellow cheerleaders were feeling what they thought was a maximum possible level of awkwardness, Rev. Wright stopped by the National Press Club to share some more pastorly comfort and healing wisdom.

As Olby was heard to say afterwards, “It’s hard out here for an Obama pimp.”

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The Leg and Olbermann Still Traumitized by ABC Debate

Though it’s been a full week since the sad and shocking events transpired in Philadelphia, Chris Matthews’ Leg remains in state of indignation mixed with bewilderment sprinkled on top with sparkly bits of white hot envy.

I’m referring to the so-called debate in which those vile inquisitors George Stephanopolous and Charlie Gibson abandoned all party-discipline and violated the unwritten MSM code of conduct by asking the Dem candidates questions that were actually on people’s minds. Hard questions! Embarrassing, relevant questions.

Traitors.

And what about our generation’s petulant answer to Edward R. Morrow? Keith Olbmermann seems to be suffering from some form of post-debate traumatic-stress disorder. He swings wildly between the spittle-flecked rage that is his default mode, and crying like a little girl. During both extremes he tends to mutter things about “George…how could you. . .?”

It is difficult to overstate how disorienting the ABC News-led debate was for Mr. Good Night & Good Luck.

For decades it’s been understood: Republicans get hard questions. Dems get softballs.

Now the natural order of things has been set on it’s head. And some people are having a very hard time dealing with it.

Chris Matthews’ Leg “Thrilled” to Have Gotten Through McCain Interview Without Getting Butt Kicked

Senator John McCain joined the Hardball “College Tour” yesterday, after which, Chris Matthews’ Leg was clearly relieved to have the close encounter behind him (and his behind still intact).

“The man makes me nervous,” The Leg confided. “There is definitely a kind of, ‘Zell Miller-y’ vibe coming off the guy that causes me to get all glute-clinchy and take a bite out of my chair.”

At one point, Chris Matthews’ Head asked the candidate about the Obama elitism thing. Of course, as Michelle pointed out today, Oswami doesn’t have a monopoly on condescension toward fly-over Americans.

Oops. Chris Matthews Head Mangles Obama’s Name

When you’re excited, you get sloppy.

Here, The Head adds a creative classic to the growing list of ways to mispronounce Barack Obama’s name. This one comes off something like, “Baccarat Bok Obama.”

Link here.

Chris Matthews’ Leg Confident Obama Meant Small-Town Americans Are “Bitter, Gun-Crazed, Religious-Nut, Bigot Xenophobes” in a Good Way

Senator Obama’s “Condescension Tour” got off to a rocky start in San Francisco late last week. But The Leg can’t figure out what the rubes in flyover country are all chafe-y and hacked about.

It seems small town Americans are prickly about having their feelings caricatured by hyper-ambitious, Harvard-educated, self-styled Messiahs for the entertainment and ego-massaging of Left Coast beautiful people. As crazy as that sounds.

In spite of this little bump in the road, Chris Matthews’ Leg is confident Obama is going to win it all by a landslide. Why, The Leg doesn’t know a single person in the best zip codes of New York, DC or Los Angeles who isn’t voting for him.

Re: Obama–Chris Matthews Vows Not to Be “Out-Fawned” by Olbermann. K.O. Retorts “Now THAT’S the Audacity of Hope”

Chris Matthews’ Leg (and the body to which it is attached) threw down the gauntlet yesterday amid galling observations that Keith Olbermann was exhibiting way more over-the-top adoration and gushing school-girl infatuation for candidate Obama than has Matthews.

“I will not be out-fawned by some beady-eyed, over-groomed geek who keeps his Smug knob cranked to ’11’ at all times.” declared Chris Matthews’ Head to a startled auto parts salesman on an adjacent barstool. “If you think I’ve been deferential and cheerleader-y up to this point, you just wait. You’re about to see the verbal equivalent of a hot oil foot rub every night. I’ll leave Gooberman in my dust.”

When told of Matthews’ trash-talking, Olbermann shot back:

“Matthews will never be in my league until he drops that quaint, old-school attachment to trying to appear fair every once in a while. You don’t become an iconic champion of the fevered, frothing, raging, Daily Kos comment swarms without abandoning all pretext of fairness, detachment, and reason.” Olbermann lectured. Smugly.

To illustrate his point, Olbermann pointed to the time Matthews stumped an Obama supporter by asking a reasonable question.

“What was that?, What, he couldn’t prep the guy a little? Give a brother a heads up?” Olbermann wailed. “Come on, pick a side and stay on it! Amateur.“

The Leg Breaks Silence After Close Encounter with Obama’s Leg

Though a clearly energized Chris Matthews’ Head hasn’t stopped talking for a moment since the “College Tour” fawn-fest with Obami Wan Kenobi, The Leg has been uncharacteristically silent since its close encounter with the glowing, hope-infusing, change-triggering, cynicism-stripping aura that surrounds the legs of the candidate.

Apparently, the sound vibrations generated by the voice of the Senate’s most liberal member touched a harmonic chord in The Leg and it began to vibrate like a tuning fork. Stunned by all the majesty, The Leg’s speech processing circuits overloaded and remained offline for several days.

“It was incredible, being that close to ‘him,'” The Leg gushed. “I mean, my knee was like, two feet away from one of his knees. And there was this positive energy . . . ”

At that point The Leg, overwhelmed by joy and hope, once again lost it’s capacity to communicate. 

Ted Says Global Warming Will Lead to Cannibalism. The Leg Now “More Wary” of Olbermann.

Ever since yesterday’s bombshell by Montana sheep rancher and future purchaser of the U.N. on Ebay, Ted Turner, in which he confidently predicted that global warming will result in cannibalism as a way of life. . . Chris Matthews’ Leg keeps thinking that Olbermann is “looking at me kinda weird.”

It wasn’t reassuring that Olbermann changed up his usual program format last night in order to declare The Leg–“Juiciest Appendage in the World.”

Olbermann Predicts Obama Administration Will Feature “Mystic Crystal Revelation and the Mind’s True Liberation”

Chris Matthews’ Leg declared Keith Olbermann “right on” when the clearly-baked cable pundit issued the above pronouncement. Olbermann also predicted that Obama would dismantle the Defense Department and replace it with “The Ministry of Harmony and Understanding, Sympathy and Trust Abounding” or HUSTA.