“As a body part attached to high-profile figure who takes strong political stands, I want to express my solidarity with Senator Obama’s kahones,” Chris Matthews’ Leg announced today. “I must deplore in the strongest possible terms Rev. Jackson’s ‘hot-mike’ expression of a wish to surgically separate the presidential candidate’s huevos from his [...]
It wasn’t the best of weeks for Chris Matthews or his leg.
First, The Leg took hard the news that it would be Tom Brokaw’s leg tucked under Tim Russert’s desk for the forseeable future. Then, “The Head” mixed up the names Obama and Osama not once, but twice! To top it off, the Brokaw thing [...]
As Barack Obama finally laid claim to the Democratic nomination in his speech the other night, The Leg was vibrating like a tuning fork.
Each soaring, ambiguous platitude took the sensitive appendage to a higher level of harmonic resonance. Each thrilling-though-utterly-undeliverable promise sent electric thrills radiating up the Hardball host’s tibia and femur.
As the speech culminated [...]
On the heels of a painfully long series of gaffes, verbal fumbles, “mis-speaks,” and factually-challenged pronouncements, the Obama inner-circle is considering some modifications to the campaign’s themes and branding.
Top level campaign strategists are furiously working to adjust to the fact that Candidate Obama produces more gaffes in a typical week than Dan Quayle did [...]
It is a little-known and poorly-understood fact that John Edwards’ hair follicles have evolved to perform essentially the same function for him as the left leg has for Chris Matthews. That is, serve as a ultra-sensitive antenna-receptor for the cosmic good vibrations emanating from the cigarette-smoke-fogged voice box of Barack Obama.
For example, as Obami Wan [...]
These are times that try Obama Media Cheerleaders’ souls (or in the case of Keith Olbermann, that soul-shaped vacuum adjacent to the lifeless shriveled husk of his sense of shame.)
20 years and 4 months after Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder was fired by CBS and made a national pariah for suggesting that genetic differences between blacks [...]
Though it’s been a full week since the sad and shocking events transpired in Philadelphia, Chris Matthews’ Leg remains in state of indignation mixed with bewilderment sprinkled on top with sparkly bits of white hot envy.
I’m referring to the so-called debate in which those vile inquisitors George Stephanopolous and Charlie Gibson abandoned all party-discipline [...]
When you’re excited, you get sloppy.
Here, The Head adds a creative classic to the growing list of ways to mispronounce Barack Obama’s name. This one comes off something like, “Baccarat Bok Obama.”
Link here.
Chris Matthews’ Leg (and the body to which it is attached) threw down the gauntlet yesterday amid galling observations that Keith Olbermann was exhibiting way more over-the-top adoration and gushing school-girl infatuation for candidate Obama than has Matthews.
“I will not be out-fawned by some beady-eyed, over-groomed geek who keeps his Smug knob cranked to ‘11′ [...]
Chris Matthews’ Leg declared Keith Olbermann “right on” when the clearly-baked cable pundit issued the above pronouncement. Olbermann also predicted that Obama would dismantle the Defense Department and replace it with “The Ministry of Harmony and Understanding, Sympathy and Trust Abounding” or HUSTA.
The exhiliratory effects of Barack Obama’s voice on The Leg are widely known and fairly well understood. Less well known are the effects images of Hillary Clinton have on the appendage, as Chris Matthews’ Head has not seen fit to reveal that information, but it is assumed the results are not positive.
Nevertheless, it stunned and [...]
When The Leg first heard the conundrumic pronouncement from the Radiant One, he was totally stoked. But the more he pondered it, the more the mood ring on it’s toe drifted toward the colors of bewilderment and irritation. Meanwhile 10th grade girls, stoners of all ages, and Andrew Sullivan still thought it was “totally deep.”
The Oracle: “So. . .What Mr. Obama is saying is that he smoked Rev. Wright’s hate and paranoia for 20 years, but never inhaled?”
Chris Matthews Leg: “Exactly.”
Never in the history of American oratory has such soaring rhetoric been deployed so majestically in the service of campaign damage control.
That’s why Chris Matthews’ Leg felt “it” again today. That electric surge of hope-change-love-peace running from his toes up his sciatic nerve. “I am healed,” The Leg declared serenely.
The Leg couldn’t help but admire the [...]
The Leg has looked into the wise and compassionate eyes of Barack Obama and been transformed. Thanks to the Senator of Light, The Leg has shed it’s cynicism and a not-insignificant amount of unsightly hair.
Michelle Malkin has dubbed him “Glowbama.” Hot Air has the goods on the Radiant One’s spiritual mentor and inspiration.
