Sweet Mother of Cheese, Even Jon Stewart is Finding Olbermann Embarassing.

The Leg used to think it was kind of cute . . .they way K-Olb would get all red-faced, twitchy, and big-wordy when in high dudgeon against Republican sins against liberal sensibliities . . . sins like deposing tyrants and trying to catch terrorists.

If nothing else, the spectacle of Uber-Olber’s all-consuming, reason-draining obsession with Bill O’Reilly and Fox News tended to provide some entertainment value.

But lately his indignant-dillweed-with-a-thesaurus schtick has started to wear thin . . . even with natural allies like The Leg. And apparently with Jon Stewart:

Stewart Spanks Olbermann

Now The Leg is pondering a question: Will being publicly pantsed by America’s Mocker-in-Chief move Olbermann to ratchet down the hate? The Leg is doubtful.

The Leg Suspects Chris and Olbermann Competing to Out-Stupid Each Other (Update: Olby Wins!)

The Leg is beginning to suspect that Chris and Olbermann made some sort of wager while The Leg was asleep. The bet?

Who can make the most absurd pronouncement in the run up to and aftermath of the Massachusetts Miracle.

This is the only possible explanation for the non-stop gusts of straight-faced howlers proceding from the mouths of America’s most earnest cheerleaders for the Obama-Pelosi-Reid agenda.

Olbermann opened strong by calling Scott Brown: “irresponsible, homophobic, racist, reactionary, ex-nude model, tea bagging, supporter of violence against women and against politicians with whom he disagrees.” Ahhh, just like Edward R. Murrow used to do.

Chris, ever the zen master of measured understatement, countered with an assertion that a vote for Brown is the equivalent of “deliberate, premeditated murder for health care!”

Olby saw Chris’s hysteria and raised on election night by teasing before a break that he would be apologizing to Scott Brown. Later he smugly apologized for forgetting to include the word “sexist” in his list of slanders. The apology was contrived and superfluous because most folks probably assume that a charge of sexism is fully covered under “supporter of violence against women.”

At that point, Chris realized that he was completely out of his league in the jackassery Olympics and threw in the towel.

Why? Because, as The Leg knows, Chris has a fatal character flaw for an MSNBC show host. He has occasional fits of intellectual honesty . . .  like this one that compelled him point out that Howard Dean is either full of crap or crazy.

The Leg & Chris Simultaneously Mesmerized, Horrified by Coakley Senate Cluster-Schtupp

Chris Matthews’ Leg watched a pervasive cloud of gloom descend over the MSNBC studios over the last few days as poll after poll showed Republican Scott Brown’s campaign prospects rising faster than Conan O’Brien’s bank balance; and Martha Coakley’s cause staggering and stumbling across the finish line like Courtney Love after a sleepover at Amy Winehouse’s.

As the returns from Massachusetts rolled in tonight, The Leg begin to cramp up and spasm to a degree not experienced since Chris decided to dance with Ellen DeGeneres on her television show. Meanwhile, Chris Matthews’ head joined the chorus of liberal media voices and Dem Party honchos turning on poor Martha Coakley like a school of piranhas devouring a wounded one of their own.

Bus wheels . . . meet Martha.  Martha . . . bus wheels.

The Leg noted that both Olbermann and Maddow seemed to be taking their cues from the commenters at the Democratic Underground. The sage and savvy post election analysis there seemed to be: “Coakley lost because the Democrats aren’t being liberal enough.”

The Leg isn’t so sure that was the problem.

CM’s Leg Declares Limbaugh Quotes: “Fake But Satisfying”

While receiving a deep tissue massage at NBC’s “30 Rock Day Spa and Zen Retreat,” Chris Matthews’ Leg was overheard sleepily musing about Rush Limbaugh’s touchiness about being libeled and slandered.

As the masseuse applied an invigorating lavender-sage exfoliant, The Leg recalled with admiration the Dan Rather/Mary Mapes defense of their fabricating damaging stuff about President George W. Bush . . . “Fake but accurate,” they’d declared.

“Sure these quotes were purely the product of a fevered, conservative-loathing, wikipedia grafitti artist,” The Leg opined. “But that’s irrelevant. The quotes were perfectly consistent with the caricature of Rush we have all worked so hard to create over the last 20 years. Therefore, they were ‘authentic’ in the best, postmodern sense of the word.”

“So, the quotes fit the preferred narrative?” the masseuse piped up, hoping for a tip (for a change.)

“Exactly!” The Leg spasmed. “For all the people that matter, the quotes were fake but satisfying.”

“Fake but delicious,” the masseuse offered as he applied a moisturizing emollient, but the The Leg didn’t respond. It had drifted off to sleep.

{Quote of the day: “People to not believe lies because they have to, but because they want to.”–Malcolm Muggeridge}

Leg Cancels Waxing Appt. to Protest IOC Decision

Chris Matthews’ Leg pretty much went through all five stages of grief (and sort of free-styled a sixth) after hearing the stunning news that the International Olympic Committee had chosen Rio as the site for the 2016 Olympics–thus snubbing Chicago, the cocoon from which President Obama (higher approval ratings be upon Him) emerged like a glorious butterfly just a few short years ago.

“How is this possible?” The Leg sputtered. “The members of the committee experienced the the full soul-healing and psyche-massaging sounds of His voice. In person!”

Still stinging at the injustice of it all, The Leg called and canceled his monthly leg-hair removal session at Brazilian Bob’s Day Spa and Depilatory Hut.

Insure Us Obami Wan! You’re Our Only Hope!

Chris Matthews’ Leg did it’s doughy best to keep a Twitter feed going during the President’s wise and soul-healing address tonight. But Tweety Tweets are tough to produce when you’re vibrating at about 2,000 cycles per second and singing “Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found you!”

The only legs more excited than Matthews’ sensitive appendage tonight appeared to belong to Nancy Pelosi who repeatedly demonstrated a vertical leap that should enable her to dunk at will over Dikembe Mutombo.

The Leg loved the way Dear Leader showed he was a young man of fresh ideas by reminding us that politicians have been trying to put those uppity doctors in their place since Teddy Roosevelt. He also thought that having a smirking and grinning Nancy Pelosi seemingly perched on the President’s shoulder in a red dress throughout the address was surely a visually compelling way to reassure all the wavering rubes in flyover country and get them on board with the brilliant plan that’s going to make everything better in every way but not cost anyone any more money.

Sitting on the other shoulder was Joe Biden, who seemed to perk up and lean in when the Shining One said he wanted to address some remarks to senior citizens.

The highlight for the Leg is when the President pointed us all to the Social Security program as a shining example of how the government can run an entitlement program without it becoming a ticking time bomb of exploding deficits and impending national insolvency. (Brilliant!)

Now, surely, the American people will chill out and let those clever folks in Congress do what they do best.

Leg Lauds Obama Plan to Pretend to be “President of the World”

When the Financial Times reported yesterday that Barack Obama will become the first American president to physically chair the 15-member United Nations National Security Council, Chris Matthews’ Leg felt that familiar surge of bioelectric neural excitement.

“It’ll totally be like he’s all, ‘Hey, I’m in charge of the whole world’ for a couple of days, and the world will be all ‘woohoo! we’re on the Hope and Change Express!” The Leg enthused.

Past U.S. presidents have all delegated the job of chairing the Security Council to experienced ambassadors who, (A) have the diplomatic skills and experience to navigate the labyrinthine complexity of the U.N. bureaucracy, and (B) don’t mind wading around in the putrid, corruption-riddled, hypocritical, America-loathing, cluster-farg that is the United Nations.

But not this president. No sir. The Leg recalls that when candidate Obama spoke at the Brandenburg gate in Berlin, he  introduced himself as a “citizen of the world” How could he possibly turn down the opportunity to spend a few days pretending to be the king of it?

Chris Matthews’ Head Declares Obama “Last Kennedy Brother”

In a stunning revelation that is likely to increase pressure on the state of Hawaii to release the full version of the President’s birth certificate, Chris Matthews told the Today show’s Ann Curry that President Barack Obama was “the last Kennedy brother.”

Though it wasn’t picked up by NBC microphones, The Leg quickly added, “And in my heart, he’s the fifth Beatle; the eighth wonder of the world; and the fourth member of the Godhead.”

Legs Need Healthcare, Too

The Leg thinks it’s awesome that the President, between Rose Garden cigarette breaks, has come up with a plan to fix the nation’s heatlh care system.

“I’m uber stoked.” the self-aware appendage recently told the make up lady at MSNBC studios. “I’m looking forwward to enjoying the same efficiency and excellence in my doctor’s visits as I experience when interacting with the IRS or the Social Security Administration.”

“Let’s face it,” The Leg gushed. “Nothing fosters streamlined, hassle-free excellence like government oversight and colossal paperwork burdens. Just ask a car dealer.”

“Wise Doughy Leg” Endorses Sotomayor

Recently, Chris Matthews’ sensitive, self-aware limb pronounced that “a wise, doughy leg with rich tingly experiences will always reach better conclusions than will a more tanned, muscular leg that hasn’t felt those thrills.”

This is why The Leg gave its most vigorous endorsement to Sonia Sotomayor for SCOTUS today. “I think the President (high approval ratings be upon him) made a brilliant choice,” The Leg enthused. “Empathy rules! We need justices who won’t allow themselves to be constricted by trivialities like the actual words of the Constitution or the intent of elected lawmakers. We need judges who will make rulings based on whom they feel sorriest for.”

Tweety’s Leg Twitters

Follow the everyday tingles, thrills, and chills of “The Leg” over at the Chris Matthews’ Leg Twitter feed.

A Love Story for the Ages

David and Bathsheba. Cleopatra and Antony. King Edward and Wallace Simpson. These are some of the great romances of history. It is clear that we can now add to that list of legendary hookups: “MSNBC and The Obama White House.”

Not since a sidewalk collision got someone’s peanut butter on someone else’s chocolate have two entities been more treacly sweet on each other.

It’s been no secret that most of MSNBC’s “journalists” have had gigantic, giggly crushes on B.O.A.H.T. (Barack Obama and His Teleprompter) since the primaries. But then so did most of the rest of the post-journalism media. No, what makes this love story special is that when Chris, Keith, Rachel, et. al. slipped the Obama a White House this note:

Do you like us?  ___Yes  ___No  ___For a Friend

. . . it came back with the “Yes” box checked. This was confirmed by White House advisor Kareem Dale on C-SPAN the other day. The White House’s true feelings are revealed at about the 1:51 mark in this video:

This explains why Rachel Maddow was recently heard singing Roberta Flack’s “The First Time Ever I Saw His Face.”

Tweety’s Leg Twitters!

The Oracle says:

Since the Paul Harvey book project, things have been too quiet around here. Sorry about that. The book is off to the publisher now. And to make up for the neglect, The Oracle has launched a Twitter feed for The Leg.

You’ll find it here.

What could be more appropriate that regular tweeting by Tweety’s Leg? Go follow the tingle!

The Oracle’s Mystery Book Project . . . Revealed!

Chris Matthews’ Leg does NOT want you to get this book. And the dry shriveled husk of Keith Olbermann’s sense of shame hates it too!

I, the Oracle, now have clearance to talk about the mystery book deal I mentioned in the previous post. It’s this:

Stephen is a friend who also happens to have a couple of New York Times best-sellers under his belt. A few weeks ago, when Tyndale House approached him about a Paul Harvey biography that could be rushed to market, he briefly took leave of his senses and recommended me to co-write the work with him.

The book that is emerging isn’t so much a pure biography–although the man’s life is wildly interesting–but also an exploration of his middle-American conservative values and how they were reflected and expressed through the major events of the 20th Century. And how we need them today. (Oh, how we need them!)

Having started on radio in Tulsa in 1933 at the age of 14, Paul Harvey was an observer and a commentator on almost every major event and movement of the last century, right up to and through the election of Barack Obama in this one.

That’s why the title of the book is Paul Harvey’s America: The Life, Art and Faith of Man Who Transformed Radio and Inspired a Nation.

Stephen has even lined up some old timer news guy to write the forward, a man who, as a young journalist just starting out had done a little news gathering work for Paul Harvey back in the 50s. I think he said his name was Dan Rather.

Olbermann actually filled in for Paul Harvey for a good while back before his PMS-NBC days. Harvey was gracious enough to give the sportcaster a shot. Classy Olbermann returned the favor a few years later by naming Paul Harvey his “Worst Person in the World.”

Anyway, Stephen and I still have a couple more weeks of writing to do, but in the meantime, you could do me a small favor. BUY THE BOOK!

It is scheduled to publish on July 4 but pre-sales on Amazon are a super important factor in a book’s chances for success these days.

Oh, how grateful I would be if you would be so kind as to pre-purchase a copy through Amazon and throw a link to this blog post to your friends and neighbors with an exhortation to do the same.

The Oracle on Hiatus

The Oracle of the Leg has a book deal. And a looming deadline.

So, with his apologies, please expect radio silence for the next 30 days. If The Leg hasn’t exploded by then–and if the Hope and Change express hasn’t outlawed all dissent–reporting will resume in about a month.