“Wise Doughy Leg” Endorses Sotomayor

Recently, Chris Matthews’ sensitive, self-aware limb pronounced that “a wise, doughy leg with rich tingly experiences will always reach better conclusions than will a more tanned, muscular leg that hasn’t felt those thrills.”

This is why The Leg gave its most vigorous endorsement to Sonia Sotomayor for SCOTUS today. “I think the President (high approval ratings be upon him) made a brilliant choice,” The Leg enthused. “Empathy rules! We need justices who won’t allow themselves to be constricted by trivialities like the actual words of the Constitution or the intent of elected lawmakers. We need judges who will make rulings based on whom they feel sorriest for.”

Tweety’s Leg Twitters

Follow the everyday tingles, thrills, and chills of “The Leg” over at the Chris Matthews’ Leg Twitter feed.

A Love Story for the Ages

David and Bathsheba. Cleopatra and Antony. King Edward and Wallace Simpson. These are some of the great romances of history. It is clear that we can now add to that list of legendary hookups: “MSNBC and The Obama White House.”

Not since a sidewalk collision got someone’s peanut butter on someone else’s chocolate have two entities been more treacly sweet on each other.

It’s been no secret that most of MSNBC’s “journalists” have had gigantic, giggly crushes on B.O.A.H.T. (Barack Obama and His Teleprompter) since the primaries. But then so did most of the rest of the post-journalism media. No, what makes this love story special is that when Chris, Keith, Rachel, et. al. slipped the Obama a White House this note:

Do you like us?  ___Yes  ___No  ___For a Friend

. . . it came back with the “Yes” box checked. This was confirmed by White House advisor Kareem Dale on C-SPAN the other day. The White House’s true feelings are revealed at about the 1:51 mark in this video:

This explains why Rachel Maddow was recently heard singing Roberta Flack’s “The First Time Ever I Saw His Face.”

Tweety’s Leg Twitters!

The Oracle says:

Since the Paul Harvey book project, things have been too quiet around here. Sorry about that. The book is off to the publisher now. And to make up for the neglect, The Oracle has launched a Twitter feed for The Leg.

You’ll find it here.

What could be more appropriate that regular tweeting by Tweety’s Leg? Go follow the tingle!

The Oracle’s Mystery Book Project . . . Revealed!

Chris Matthews’ Leg does NOT want you to get this book. And the dry shriveled husk of Keith Olbermann’s sense of shame hates it too!

I, the Oracle, now have clearance to talk about the mystery book deal I mentioned in the previous post. It’s this:

Stephen is a friend who also happens to have a couple of New York Times best-sellers under his belt. A few weeks ago, when Tyndale House approached him about a Paul Harvey biography that could be rushed to market, he briefly took leave of his senses and recommended me to co-write the work with him.

The book that is emerging isn’t so much a pure biography–although the man’s life is wildly interesting–but also an exploration of his middle-American conservative values and how they were reflected and expressed through the major events of the 20th Century. And how we need them today. (Oh, how we need them!)

Having started on radio in Tulsa in 1933 at the age of 14, Paul Harvey was an observer and a commentator on almost every major event and movement of the last century, right up to and through the election of Barack Obama in this one.

That’s why the title of the book is Paul Harvey’s America: The Life, Art and Faith of Man Who Transformed Radio and Inspired a Nation.

Stephen has even lined up some old timer news guy to write the forward, a man who, as a young journalist just starting out had done a little news gathering work for Paul Harvey back in the 50s. I think he said his name was Dan Rather.

Olbermann actually filled in for Paul Harvey for a good while back before his PMS-NBC days. Harvey was gracious enough to give the sportcaster a shot. Classy Olbermann returned the favor a few years later by naming Paul Harvey his “Worst Person in the World.”

Anyway, Stephen and I still have a couple more weeks of writing to do, but in the meantime, you could do me a small favor. BUY THE BOOK!

It is scheduled to publish on July 4 but pre-sales on Amazon are a super important factor in a book’s chances for success these days.

Oh, how grateful I would be if you would be so kind as to pre-purchase a copy through Amazon and throw a link to this blog post to your friends and neighbors with an exhortation to do the same.

The Oracle on Hiatus

The Oracle of the Leg has a book deal. And a looming deadline.

So, with his apologies, please expect radio silence for the next 30 days. If The Leg hasn’t exploded by then–and if the Hope and Change express hasn’t outlawed all dissent–reporting will resume in about a month.

The Leg Applauds Dem Strategy to Fiddle Sad Songs About Rush Limbaugh While Economy Burns

When you don’t know what to do, change the subject. Find a scapegoat. Demonize somebody.

That’s been a tried and true tactic for despots and demagogues through the ages and Chris Matthews’ Leg is thrilled to see that Chris, Keith and Rachel got the talking points memo from Rahm Emanuel about diverting attention from the devastating effects of the Pelosi-Reid-Obama TARPorkalypse.

The unexpected bonus for The Leg was seeing RNC chairman Micheal Steele stumble into the trap–inexplicably allowing Rush to be the topic instead of turning the tables and pointing to the staggering hypocrisy of liberals crying about a politically biased voice in the media.

Keith and Chris got some rich guffaws out of that one.

CM’s Leg Initially Excited to Hear Obama Banking Plan Involves “Swedish Model”

The Oracle had assumed that The Leg’s ardor for the new president could not possibly burn any brighter. But for a few minutes today, a certain sensitive limb’s admiration for the Light-Worker-in-Chief pushed into the ultraviolet spectrum when it caught a glimpse of the main headline on Drudge:

“Obama Moves Toward Swedish Model for Banks.”

For a while there, The Leg was convinced Britt Ekland was about to be named new head of the FDIC.

The Oracle found another news headline much more interesting:

“Attorney General: U.S. a “nation of cowards” on racial matters.”

To the contrary, in the Oracle’s experience, regular folks in America feel free to have frank and meaningful conversations about race all the time . . . that is UNLESS there is a self-appointed member of the civil rights, professional-grievance-mongering class in the room–the very tribe of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton wannabes that Attorney General Holder and President Obama have spent most of their adult lives hanging with.

With one of these humorless scold-o-matics in the area, everyone suddenly pretends there is no such thing as race; or that they were born with a genetic defect that makes them oblivious to skin tones.

Thus most Americans have learned the hard way that when in the presence of one of these aggrieved prosecutors of white America’s ancient sins there are only three things that are permissible to say:

“I’m sorry.”

“Of course, nothing’s your fault.”

“Who should I make the check payable to.”

This is What Olbermann Was in a Hurry For?

After two weeks of bungles, missteps, oopsies, doh!s and spectacular foul-ups by Team Obama, The Oracle is pretty sure these guys weren’t ready for prime time and needed every day of transitional preparation they could get and then some.

Which prompts this remembrance: Back in December, Keith Olbermann was the loudest among a gaggle of liberal media types calling for Bush to step aside early and allow Obama and friends take over the government early. Seriously.

Matthews, Olbermann: We meant to say ‘Assent’ is the highest form of patriotism. Or is it ‘Consent?’

Precisely what constitutes the highest form of patriotism has been the focus of robust debate at 30 Rock since inauguration day. So reports, “The Oracle”–the official interpreter of the thoughts and thrills of Chris Matthews’ Leg.

Sure, for eight years the journalistic industrial complex and the intensely earnest comment throngs at DU, Daily Kos, and HuffPo have operated in breezy metaphysical certitude about patriotism. Dissent was the thing. A hundred thousand Suburu bumper stickers couldn’t be wrong.

That fragrant little orthodoxy meant that throughout the Bush 43 administration guys like Bill Maher and Olbermann could feel like the love child of Thomas Paine and Betsy Ross in suggesting that Dick Cheney eats the heads of live puppies for breakfast. It was awesome.

But then the day of bliss happened. Which led to “the conundrum.”

Chris suggested changing the bumper sticker beatitude to: Helping make this administration a success is the highest form of patriotism. Olbermann felt that was too wordy and countered with: Genuflecting is the highest form of patriotism. Maddow offered: Screaming “You’re freaking awesome Mr. President!” is the highest form of patriotism.

Other h.f.o.p. contenders were:

Giving the president a verbal hot oil foot rub . . . (Andrea Mitchell)

Abandoning all pretense of objectivity . . . (David Shuster)

Among America’s news men and women you’ll find a few holdouts stubbornly clinging to old fashioned notions of objectivity and journalistic integrity.  Throw backs like ABC’s Jake Tapper–who told Charlie Rose the other night:

I would say for a lot of my colleagues, it’s perhaps an unrequited love between them and the president. He’s — you know, he’s a cool customer. You know, I think that there are some of us that, you know, maybe try to report on our feet a little bit more than on our knees and he doesn`t necessarily know what to make of us all the time. You know, he eyes us warily.

That comment gave The Leg an idea for his bumper sticker:

Reporting on your knees is the highest form of patriotism.

Then The Leg went online to order three pairs of kneepads for some friends who will need them.

Olbermann in Post-Bush Crisis. Must Find New Focus for 17 Million Gigawatts of Incandescent Hate or Risk Spontaneous Human Combustion.

The Leg is concerned about colleague Keith Olbermann. From the moment Air Force One disappeared over the western horizon on inauguration day (also known at MSNBC HQ as “Mission Accomplished Day,” “The Dawning of Perfect Joy,” and “The Day of Indescribable Bliss-y Goodness) carrying outgoing President Bush to Midland, Texas, the Countdown host seemed to slip into a bewildered funk.

“He’s like a little lost boy now,” one perky intern observed. “Albeit, a boy that will grope you then scream at you fetch him a Powerbar.”

Since Countdown debuted on March 31, 2003, George W. Bush has done the world a service by serving (along with Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh) as a safety valve-like target for Keith’s bombastic, self-important, spittle-flecked rage.

But now the locus of 70 percent of that irrational, Daily Kos-fueled hate energy has been removed and the laser of loathing must find a new outlet or risk melting down. But whom to unfailingly impute bad faith to? Whose difficult decisions to put the the worst possible construction upon? Whom to label a “liar” every time they are merely mistaken?

In desperation, Olbermann has recently lashed out at targets as innocuous as John Gibson, pro-lifers, the infield fly rule, and beets. But it just wasn’t the same.

And so an anxious world watches and wonders as the East Coast’s answer to the Yellowstone caldera builds up pressure. To turn some old Queen lyrics on their head, The Leg wonders, “Won’t somebody find KO, somebody to hate?”

Historic Inauguration Triggers History-Making Reaction in Chris Matthews’ Leg

There were reports of shattered windows up and down the east coast today as Chris Matthews’ Leg began vibrating at a frequency and amplitude previously unknown to science. Homeland Security officials noted that the peaks in the harmonic surge waves tended to coincide with certain inaugural events being covered by MSNBC.

Meanwhile, theoretical physicists at the FermiLab particle accelerator in Chicago and at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva both reported that around noon EST, ultra-sensitive equipment deep within the earth had begun detecting new and exotic subatomic particles.

“The standard model of particle physics predicts the existence of ’strange quarks,’ said FermiLab researcher Hans Delbrück. “But these quarks were stranger than we’ve dared to imagine. We’ve had a remarkable day here. One of the guys thinks we may have captured the elusive Higgs Boson. But were still compiling all the data.”

Whether there is linkage between the flurry of exotic particles and the excitability of Matthews’ lower limb has yet to be established. However, crew members on the set with Matthews and Olbermann have reported witnessing strange phenomenon around the anchor desk including strange orbs of colored light, disorientation and nausea in those standing close by, and brief episodes of time travel for those who look directly at the leg at the apex of a tingly phase.

Civil defense personnel and other first responders are standing by in the event of another episode during tonight’s inaugural festivities. Officials are urging citizens to remain calm, but watchful–and to stay away from plate glass windows for the time being.

Random Restless Leg Thoughts

• So MSNBC has banned Ann Coulter for life. The Leg is sooooo relieved to hear this. It would be such a shame if the network gave air time to anyone being screedy, ideologically shrill, hyper-partisan, or mean.

• It seems Minnesotans have finally equaled the electoral trick of putting Jesse Ventura in the governor’s mansion for four disastrous years. It took a little creative bookkeeping by the state canvassing board and some magically appearing ballots, but Al “The Body” Franken is poised . . . as crazy as this sounds . . . to be seated in the most important deliberative body on planet earth. The Leg says, “You gotta love Minnesota. They always have a critical mass of half-toasted ice fishermen willing to vote for the novelty candidate. And the Twin Cities are like a big, frozen Berkeley, California but with Swedes, Norwegians and lutefisk.”

• The Leg wonders if MSNBC can get a ratings bailout. “It sucks that we’re always in last place among the cable news networks,” The Leg whines. “Some FoxNews viewers should be shifted to us. They’ve got millions of them. In the words of a certain President-elect, ‘It’s a question of fairness.’”

CML Enjoying the Leg Warmers Santa Brought. Reflects Back on an Awesome Year.

Dear Diary,

Three words . . . Best. Year. Ever.

Okay, actually it’s my only year ever. As you know, I spontaneously achieved self-awareness back in February during a speech by Barack Ob . . . oops . . . I mean President-Elect Barack Obama. (woo hoo!) Those beautifully vague platitudes; those soaring, unkeepable promises; those mesmerizingly affected oratorical cadences . . . well they combined powerfully to jolt me into sentience.

Like the rest of the “professional” press corps (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), Chris and I spent most of the rest of the year solely focused on getting our guy elected. And we did it. The price was our credibility, journalistic integrity and self-respect. Totally worth it!

Just when I thought the year couldn’t get any better, I was recently the recipient of a major award!

What will 2009 hold? A run for the Senate? Hard to say. Right now it seems like Chris may be getting cold feet, er . . . foot.

The Leg Thrilled That Obama Finally Makes the Cover of Time

Chris Matthews’ Leg has been sorely vexed by the major news magazines’ shameful refusal to put Barack Obama’s noble visage on their covers. This scandalous neglect was highlighted in an article on MSNBC today:

Time has featured Obama on its cover 14 times since Jan. 1. Newsweek was close behind, featuring the now-president-elect on 12 of its issues. Time has had 52 issues in 2008, so Obama has been featured on more than one-in-four of its covers, or about 27% of the time.

That number, though, goes even higher if you include how many times Obama has appeared in the “skybox” — 11 times.  That means Obama’s face or name has somehow made it onto the cover of Time just about half of the time this year (25 out of 52 issues — 48%)

Newsweek has had 49 issues this year so far (through Dec. 22), so Obama has been featured on about a quarter of its covers as well.

Thus it restored the sensitive limb’s tingly faith in cosmic justice to see the President-Elect’s reassuring image on Time’s “Person of the Year” issue today. But the sprinkles on this hope-filled cupcake were the newly discovered college pics of the future President sporting a panama hat, a cigarette, and a little something we used to call moxie . . .

“I’m feeling more hopeful by the minute,” The Leg said to no one in particular.